Dark Nation Goes To the Vet
by JenesisX
Summary: And guess who gets to take him? Maybe next time Reno will stop to ponder the consequences before he inadvertantly insults his boss's manhood with one of his office practical jokes. Oops. And so an angry Guard Hound and everyone's favorite Turk - who happens to hate dogs - head off on an adventure... What could possibly go wrong? Dark Nation intends to demonstrate!
1. Chapter 1: The Assignment

**Chapter One: The Assignment**

Reno headed down the hallway toward Tseng's office, completely unconcerned about why he'd been suddenly summoned. He assumed he was probably in trouble… again… but nothing truly bad had ever really happened to him as a result.

Sure, he smoked in the elevators and the men's room…. And the break room. Yes, he did tend to fall asleep at his desk in the late afternoon. Once in a while, he downloaded a little… entertainment to his office computer while on the clock. And fine, he did sometimes show up in the morning still closer to drunk than hung over. He was often late, he'd never quite grasped the dress code in almost a decade, and he swore and made crude jokes no matter _who_ was in earshot. He'd even been caught a few times in… delicate situations… with various female members of the staff, but surely everyone else thought that was as funny as he did and was happy for him! Besides, he was a highly valuable member of the team, and he was confident that Tseng and the others would be utterly lost and heartbroken without him.

And so it was that he strolled casually into his boss's office upon finding the door open, not even bothering to feign politeness. He slumped unceremoniously into the chair before him, drumming his fingers on the polished desktop when Tseng continued to ignore his presence. He seemed to be engrossed in reading something on his computer monitor, and Reno began to fidget with boredom. He finally craned his neck, trying to see what was so interesting, and began to hum a tune without realizing it.

"Do you mind?"

Reno blinked, almost not realizing he'd been spoken to. Tseng hadn't so much as shifted his gaze or changed expressions, but he definitely sounded annoyed.

"Er, sorry," he said with a shrug, leaning back into the chair and beginning to swivel from side to side. Why the hell was it so important that he walk _all the way_ to the end of the hallway in such a damn hurry just to sit here and wait? He sighed loudly, wishing he could have a cigarette. He wondered if Tseng would really mind, fidgeting with the lighter inside his pocket. He quickly decided against it, recalling the Wutaiin's strong aversion to the habit. It _was_ kind of his office, after all.

After what felt like hours to Reno, he was relieved when his boss finally turned off his monitor, shook his head, and leaned back in his chair. Somehow, he looked more stern and serious than usual, and Reno swallowed a bit nervously. He tried his best to remember what he might have done recently to earn the older man's wrath, but nothing came to mind other than a scene from a porn movie he'd watched the night before. Ooh, that had been a good one… Perhaps he'd watch it again that evening.

"I assume you know why you're here."

Reno frowned. He briefly wondered what would be the correct answer. Should he nod and smile, and say he knew exactly why, or be truthful for once? He had a feeling he was screwed either way.

"Umm…"

"You really don't have any idea, do you." It wasn't a question.

Reno giggled nervously, shifting in his seat. "Nope. Not a clue."

Tseng sighed in frustration. "I think it is fair to say that I'm a very patient man," he began, regarding his underling closely. "Would you not agree with that statement?"

"Absolutely!" Reno exclaimed a bit too quickly, realizing a little late that he probably should have started groveling the moment he walked in the door. "You're the best boss anyone could ever have!"

Tseng rolled his eyes. "Save it, Reno… I have an assignment for you."

"Oh… you do?" he asked hopefully, relaxing a little. Maybe he wasn't in trouble after all. Reno loved going out on assignments, since anything was better than sitting around the office and doing paperwork or other boring shit. He briefly wondered why Rude, his usual partner, wasn't there as well, but figured maybe this was a rare solo gig.

"It is a very important… special assignment," Tseng continued, nodding seriously when he saw that he had Reno's full attention. "I selected you to handle it personally."

Reno sat up a bit straighter in his chair, suddenly wishing he'd made a better effort to look professional that day. Damn, there was even a stain from yesterday's lunch right in the middle of his white shirt. He casually pulled his jacket closed, hoping Tseng hadn't seen it.

"You can count on me, sir!" he said confidently, feeling rather important. Clearly, his boss thought he was the most talented member of the Turks and was about to make use of his skills in an appropriate manner.

Tseng actually grinned, and Reno found himself smiling back like a fool… though for some reason a shiver ran down his spine. Maybe it was because Tseng rarely smiled while at work, and he suddenly felt a little suspicious.

"Excellent… Now, before I give you your orders, I'd like to explain why I selected you to handle this mission."

Reno sat up even straighter and folded his hands in his lap so he wouldn't fidget. Aah, here it was, _finally_… his moment in the sun. The moment that Tseng would sing his praises and tell him how amazing an employee he was, and that he was still his favorite Turk regardless of who he might be sleeping with after hours. Maybe he'd even be giving him a bonus, or better yet, a raise! Awesome! Reno's mind began to drift a bit as he thought of all the things he could buy, but his boss' voice quickly brought him back.

"I overlook a lot of things," Tseng was saying, his voice devoid of the praise Reno had been expecting. "I pretend not to notice your six separate daily violations of our dress code." He paused, looked Reno over for a moment, and sighed with disdain. "Make that seven. You may think I lack a sense of smell, but I know you smoke in the building, and that 'smoke breaks' make up approximately 23% of your work day."

_Uh-oh. This doesn't sound like a good thing…_

"You were late clocking in 76% of the time over the last six months," his boss continued, his tone as flat as if he were reading from a grocery list. "You take longer lunch breaks than anyone else, and you often return smelling of alcohol. And I had a wonderful time trying to explain to Rufus why there was over five hundred gil in pornography downloaded to our floor's computers recently."

Reno was squirming now, beginning to sweat and tugging at his open collar as Tseng's dark eyes burned into him across the desk. "Er… Oops?"

"I ignored all of those things and more, because I do genuinely like you, and you are a talented and valuable Turk when you care to be. But this…" He paused, reaching down to retrieve something from inside his desk drawer. "_This_ I cannot ignore."

Reno immediately burst out laughing as Tseng firmly placed a very large, flesh colored dildo onto his desktop and quickly withdrew his hand as if disgusted. Somehow, his expression never wavered. He really _was_ pro at that…

With tears streaming down his cheeks, Reno tried in vain to get a hold of himself, but the more seriously Tseng stared at him, the harder he laughed. He hastily raised a hand to wipe at his eyes, his shoulders shaking with hysterics.

"Sorry… I'm sorry!" he gasped between giggles. "Hahahahaha!"

"I take it you recognize this item, then?"

Reno only laughed harder.

"It seems Elena found it in her desk this morning," Tseng was explaining. Reno could barely concentrate as he continued to giggle and choke for air. The very absurdity of the realistic-looking sex toy sitting atop Tseng's immaculate desk was hilarious in and of itself. "She was highly offended and used a fingerprinting kit on it to determine its origins, and guess whose prints she found?"

"Mine!" Reno exclaimed proudly, eager to claim his handiwork. All thoughts of being scolded had fled his mind as he pictured Elena's face upon finding the gift. "But… oh man! Of course she'd have to be the only woman alive who would take a perfectly good dildo and _fingerprint _the fucking thing! Hahaha!"

"Were you trying to imply that she might be in need of such an item, Reno?"

Reno suddenly stopped laughing at the change in Tseng's tone. It had suddenly gone even more serious, and more than a little cold. He was tilting his head slightly, his harsh gaze causing Reno to cringe in his chair as he realized exactly what he had done.

_Oh shit. I gave a giant dildo to my boss's girlfriend… _

He had only wanted to horrify and embarrass Elena, who he taunted the way one might torment a younger sister. He didn't realize that by doing so, he was inadvertently insulting the manhood of her lover. Who just so happened to be his boss.

"Oh shit! Sir! That is totally _not_ what I-"

"Because I can assure you, she definitely does _not_ require a silly little thing like this."

Reno's jaw dropped open, and he could have sworn Tseng was trying not to laugh as he gingerly lifted the object and deposited it noisily into the trashcan beneath his desk. Reno's face flushed very red, and he fought with all his might to keep certain unwanted mental images out of his mind. His boss' eyes were definitely shining with enjoyment at his discomfort, and the corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly. At that moment, Reno felt like cornered prey.

"Sir, really, I am _so_ sorry," Reno stumbled, holding up both hands in a show of peace. "I forgot that she's- I mean, I really, _really_ did not mean to imply _anything_ like that! I didn't even _think _about it!"

Tseng slowly shook his head, though he still looked smug. "That is your problem, Reno. You _never _think before you do things. Maybe this assignment will help you remember to do so next time."

Reno swallowed nervously, having forgotten all about the promised assignment by then. Well, he supposed it served him right, whatever it was, and at least it would get him out of the office and away from Tseng so he could go peacefully die of embarrassment elsewhere. And hopefully stop thinking about _that_.

"Okay… what is it?" he asked with a bit of nervousness, feeling unusually humbled. He slouched down into his seat like a scolded child in the principle's office, awaiting his punishment. How bad could it be? He'd been reprimanded plenty of times in the past, and it was never that big of a deal. So he'd go somewhere unpleasant, probably have to put in some over time, and then be done with it. Big deal. Tomorrow was another day.

"Rufus is having a few issues and needs one of my most trusted employees to escort a member of his family to an appointment," Tseng said, retrieving a few pages of typed instructions from a nearby folder. Reno tried hard not to smirk in victory. Tseng thought _that_ was punishment? Ha! Tomorrow, he'd make sure he left Elena a vibrator.

Reno only nodded, trying to keep the relief and amusement from his face.

"Head over to Rufus' penthouse immediately so you will not be late, as this particular doctor is very punctual and will not tolerate it," Tseng said, handing over the papers and already turning back to his monitor. He switched it on and didn't look up again, clearly considering the conversation to be over.

"Yes, sir," Reno said, rising and turning to leave the office. He had reached the doorway before he finally looked down at the assignment in his hands. When he did so, he nearly walked into the wall, his eyes almost falling out of his head in horror.

"_When: 11:45 a.m._

_Where: Upper Midgar Veterinary Hospital_

_Patient: Dark Nation Shin-ra_

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((**Author's Notes:** Yep, have definitely finally lost my mind deciding to actually write this... haha. I was inspired by a real-life trip to the vet with my own dogs, as well as chatting with ffnet author **Sinii** about various pet-related fic ideas we have. So this story is dedicated to her with love (She wrote me a gift fic about Seph and his pet bunny, Lapin, in exchange! Go read it, it's adorable!). I am a professional dog groomer, and so an expert on everything a dog can and will do when upset or stressed to make your life hell. Look out, Reno! Not sure how long this'll be, but probably around four chapters of similar length to this one. Hope you got a laugh out of it! If so, please leave a review and let me know... I have a feeling some of the comments are gonna be hilarious. Thank you very much for your time and support! ~ JenesisX))


	2. Chapter 2: The Introduction

**Chapter Two: The Introduction**

Reno muttered darkly to himself as he walked the short distance from Shin-ra Headquarters to Rufus's penthouse. Well, one of them anyway. The rich bastard…

He was not in a good mood, his mind filled with dread as he thought about the task that awaited him. Taking the company owner's huge, highly aggressive Guard Hound to the veterinarian was just about the last thing on the face of the Planet he wanted to do. Reno was definitely a cat person, and though he wouldn't openly admit it, dogs scared the hell out of him. Especially enormous, snarling, genetically altered dogs who wanted to rip his face off upon sight. How the hell was he supposed to do this and emerge intact? _No_ dog liked to go to the vet as far as he knew, much less one bred specifically to attack people.

"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me…. Guess I'll go eat some worms."

A tall woman in a lab coat gave him an odd look as she passed him by, and even though she was rather attractive he only glared at her in response. Fuck her, she was probably on her way to a nice, safe office instead of an assignment where she might lose a limb… or an even more vital body part.

_Oh gods. I hope he just tears my throat out and gets it over with._

The closer he came to his destination, the more nervous he grew. He had no idea how he was supposed to handle the creature, much less get the damn dog to the vet. The address he'd been given was a good half an hour's drive away, and he hadn't been instructed to check out any of the assorted vehicles from the company garage. He owned a motorcycle, but clearly _that _wasn't going to work. He giggled despite himself at the mental image of the giant snarling dog riding behind him on the bike in a leather jacket and crash helmet, then quickly shook his head and sighed.

As he rounded the corner and turned onto a private sidewalk, he could see Rufus waiting in the doorway of the penthouse. Reno checked his watch, noting that he was more than on time despite the fact that he'd had to use the bathroom before leaving Headquarters to avoid pissing himself. He'd also taken a very long smoke break in a failed attempt to calm his nerves. He could still feel his hands trembling a bit inside his pockets. He rolled his eyes, not bothering to walk any faster. Why hurry on what might well be the march to his death?

When Rufus finally noticed his approach, a surprised look crossed his face. He ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair and straightened his white suit jacket, still appearing a bit impatient. Reno finally quickened his pace under his employer's scrutiny and soon stood a few feet away from him. He nodded politely, hoping his nervousness and disgust with the assignment wasn't apparent. Tseng had told him on more than one occasion that all of his thoughts and emotions tended to show clearly on his face, but he'd never seemed to get the hang of controlling his expression... Unless he was playing poker or trying to pick up a woman. Then it was easy.

"Reporting for duty, sir."

Rufus raised an eyebrow. "I see. Interesting… I had told Tseng he could send me someone expendable that he wouldn't mind losing for a time."

_Fucking hell… I am so dead…_

Reno frowned and felt his face grow hot, briefly entertaining the idea of telling Rufus right then and there that Tseng was screwing one of his subordinates in direct defiance of company policy. He'd show _him _who was expendable! But after a pause, he sighed inwardly, knowing he would never betray his boss' trust. Not after everything Tseng had done for him over the years. And dammit, the man _knew _it, too, or he'd never have sent him here like this. Why did he have to have such a strict fucking moral code? For some reason, Reno had a feeling people might have laughed if he'd said that aloud, but he didn't really understand why. Besides, if Tseng got canned, there was a good chance he might end up being promoted to his position, and there was no way in _hell _Reno wanted that kind of responsibility.

"Uh… Guess he just wanted to make sure this gets done right," Reno said, attempting a casual shrug.

Rufus nodded, looking rather pleased with the lame explanation. "Excellent. I'm glad to know Tseng cares for my beloved Dark Nation enough to send me one of his best. I shall have to find an appropriate way to show him my gratitude."

_Son of a bitch! _Not only had Tseng sent him to what was sure to be a painful death, now he was going to be rewarded for it, too. Reno held back a groan as Rufus turned, gesturing for him to follow him inside.

"My poor pet has been having a few minor issues, and he is due for his vaccinations and yearly check-up anyway," Rufus was saying as they walked through an elaborate sitting room. Reno found it hard to concentrate, feeling the sweat running down his back as he pictured all of the various ways he was about to be disfigured. "Nation is not as young as he once was, I fear. Time passes so quickly. It feels like just yesterday when he was a tiny puppy I could carry about in my shoulder bag."

Rufus shook his head and smiled fondly, crossing through a dining room and the most high-tech kitchen Reno had ever seen to approach a sliding glass door. Through it, an enormous in-ground pool was visible in the center of a perfectly green lawn that stretched out like a football field. How he managed to have actual grass growing in the middle of Upper Midgar was a mystery, though the Turk had a feeling the Science Department may have had something to do with it. Almost nothing grew in Midgar any more, choked out by pollution, concrete and overcrowding. Reno's mind began to wander, picturing himself taking a refreshing swim in the cool, clear water before stretching out in one of the lounge chairs between a pair of well-endowed women in bikinis. They'd sip their beverages, catch some sun, and then maybe-

The image was quickly replaced by that of a snarling dog lunging at the glass, dark eyes locked upon him as if he had spotted a particularly hated prey. The creature was even bigger than Reno remembered, his loud barks punctuated with furious growls as he began to frantically paw at the glass. Reno took several nervous steps backwards, swallowing hard and feeling sick to his stomach. His hand crept inside his jacket to rest upon his nightstick, though the solid metal object didn't really make him feel any safer. He hoped he wasn't going to have to use it, or his gun… That would more than likely get him fired, and likely shot in return. Rufus definitely cared about his pet more than he did his employee. Reno briefly wondered how many people would attend his funeral.

To his surprise, Rufus was laughing at the dog's actions. Reno was fighting not to pass out or wet himself, and his boss thought it was hilarious.

"Oh, Nation," he said with a cluck of his tongue, moving as if he was about to slide the door open despite his pet's obvious aggression. "Uncle Reno has come to take you for a ride! I do hope you intend to behave yourself."

"I um, don't think he likes me…"

"Of course he does! Nation greets everyone he likes this way."

_Oh god._

"Are you sure you should just let hi-"

Rufus pulled the door wide open without another word. Dark Nation instantly flew into the room like a bull released from its pen and headed directly for Reno. He was unable to hold back a strangled yelp of terror, closing his eyes and lifting one arm to protect his face… or maybe just to avoid having to watch his own death. The muscular black dog continued to charge, thick drool trailing from his lips, enormous white fangs glistering in the sun.

Reno's life began to flash before his eyes as the Guard Hound prepared to leap for his throat. He saw himself as a neglected little boy no one really wanted, living in various run-down apartments and hovels, always dirty and hungry. He saw his hated step-father kicking his ass numerous times while his mother either did nothing or joined in. He could still hear her shrill voice telling him he was the spawn of the devil. He saw his younger brother, who could do no wrong, constantly getting him into trouble and smirking as he was punished. His first smoke at age ten… first drink at twelve… living on the streets by fourteen. All the trouble he'd gotten into, the stupid mistakes he'd made, the scars on his cheeks to remind him of it all every day when he looked in the mirror… All the pretty girls he'd screwed, and the fun he'd had despite all the bad. Pranks, parties, getting high and drunk, waking up with someone whose name he didn't know. Then his first glimpse of the Turks and the feint but growing hope that he might be able to make something of himself one day… Signing up with Shin-ra, being introduced to the gang, making friends that would last a lifetime, and enjoying almost every second of life as a Turk… even the really hard and dangerous moments where he was sure he was about to die. Everything seemed so easy after his past experiences, and he was rarely afraid. He'd lived a life of pain and struggle mixed in with good times that almost made up for it unless he thought too much… And it had all led up to this one final moment, when he was finally about to meet his death beneath the strong jaws of a freaking _dog_. How anti-climatic. The universe was even more cruel than he'd always suspected.

_Thanks, Tseng… I'm gonna haunt you _and_ your girl, mother fucker!_

"Nation, SIT!"

Reno waited, expecting to feel sharp fangs puncturing his jugular at any moment. What was taking so damn long? Was he already dead and just didn't know it? Slowly, he dared to open one eye, peering out from behind his forearm. Rufus was staring at him, bemused, the giant vicious dog sitting at his side like a perfectly obedient child.

"You can't show him any fear, or he will take advantage," Rufus was saying through the haze of Reno's thoughts, his pulse still pounding loudly in his ears. Seems he was still alive after all. Dammit. "I told you he liked you… If he didn't, he would have attacked you despite my command."

"Um… uh… great," Reno said in a voice that was nearly a squeak, lowering his arm and blushing fiercely. His face was hot with terror and embarrassment as he cautiously studied the dog. At least his pants remained dry for the moment. "Thanks, boy…" he added in a tone of forced cheerfulness, hoping to win the dog's favor. Dark Nation growled in reply.

"Let me fetch his leash and muzzles. Stay right where you are, Nation!"

Rufus disappeared through a doorway, leaving Dark Nation and Reno alone together. The dog was still glaring, studying him as if dissecting an opponent with his eyes. Reno swallowed nervously and did his best to stand tall, shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to look as if he did this every day.

The big dog's black eyes made him shiver. There was a danger in them that all Guard Hounds seemed to share, but much more pronounced. It only further convinced Reno that genetically altering _anything_ was a bad idea. The result always seemed to be creatures that were extremely powerful, but who lacked sanity and were very dangerous as a result. Dark Nation had to weigh close to what Reno did, and his long, sharp fangs were still visible even when he closed his mouth. His black coat was sleek and shiny, and he was obviously very well cared for. He was toned and muscular, the long bony 'tail' that protruded from a spot directly between his shoulder blades twitching against the tile floor as their silent stare-down continued.

"Look, dog," Reno whispered, trying to appear stern instead of terrified. "I really don't like you, and I definitely don't want to be here. But if you're good to me, I'll be good to you and make this as quick and painless as possible. If you behave I'll even stop and get you a hamburger or something on the way back. Deal?"

Dark Nation curled his upper lip into a snarl, scraping one clawed foot along the floor and snorting as if disgusted. Reno took a quick step backwards, cursing himself for being intimidated while at the same time fighting an urge to flee out the front door and back to the safety of Headquarters.

Just as he was about to turn toward the door, Rufus reentered the room. At the sight of his leash, Dark Nation stood and began bouncing up and down with excitement. Reno grinned despite himself, taken aback by how ridiculous the big dog looked. Even his bony tail was wagging, and he began to make an excited, high-pitched sound as Rufus snapped the leash onto his thick leather collar.

"Now, since I am not able to come along today due to business, I am going to muzzle him in case he becomes upset. Sometimes he sees other animals or people he doesn't like the looks of, and I really do not care to have to pay off another whining citizen with a chunk missing from their leg or carrying a dead poodle."

Reno swallowed nervously as Rufus held out a black cloth muzzle and began to fasten it around Dark Nation's muzzle. Instantly, the dog stopped bouncing around and sat at his master's feet, eyes cast downward. He almost appeared to be sulking.

"Now now, Nation," Rufus said as he clipped the muzzle behind the dog's massive skull. "You know it's for your own good."

The dog whimpered, and Reno was surprised to see Rufus produce a second muzzle. This one was made of metal and looked almost like a basket, even the front completely enclosed behind tightly spaced bars. Somehow, the sight of it didn't make Reno feel any better. If the damn dog needed TWO muzzles, one of which looked like a steel cage, he was even more screwed than he originally thought.

"There we are… All ready to go. There should be a car waiting out front for you to use. The keys are inside. Please try to return it in the same condition."

Reno cringed, forcing a guilty smirk. He _did _have something of a reputation for destroying company vehicles, after all.

"Yes, sir. I'll be careful."

Rufus held the leash toward Reno, and it took all of his courage and will power to extend his arm and take hold of it. He eyed the dog nervously as he accepted Rufus' credit card and slipped it into his pocket. He was so dismayed with the assignment that the usual mischievous ideas about what he could do with it didn't even cross his mind.

"I'll see you in a few hours, my pet," Rufus said, fondly patting Dark Nation on the head. "Now off you go! Doctor Payne does not tolerate tardiness."

Reno briefly closed his eyes as he headed for the door, a reluctant Dark Nation trailing behind him. The veterinarian's name finalized it in his mind. This was going to be the most horrible assignment ever.

* * *

((**Author's Notes:** I think Reno and Dark Nation are going to be best friends, don't you? Right. Next chapter, see what happens during their fun-filled car ride to the vet! I hope you are enjoying the story so far… If so, please take a moment to share your thoughts and leave me a review. Otherwise I am left to wonder and worry, hehe. Thank you so much! ~ JenesisX ))


	3. Chapter 3: Setting Off

((**Author's Notes: **Sorry for the delay in updating, well, everything! I have had the _worst_ writer's block this past month, and have also been distracted by Diablo 3 (Any of you play? I am JenesisX#1916). Anyway, here is the next installment of Reno's adventures with Dark Nation! The only warnings would be for profanity, of course, and a little bit of grossness at the end. But you ain't seen anything yet… Just wait til next chapter! ~JenesisX))

* * *

**Chapter Three: Setting Off**

When the door to Rufus Shin-ra's penthouse clicked shut behind him, Reno swallowed hard and felt as if he had just been sent off to die. He clutched Dark Nation's expensive rolled leather leash tightly in one hand, though he held it out far away from his body as if that might prevent the dog from coming any closer. He may have been double-muzzled, but Reno still did not feel safe. The hateful look in the massive creature's black eyes made sure of that.

"Well… come on, dog," he said with resignation, spotting the promised vehicle parked on the street just down the path. "Let's get this shit over with."

Reno took a few steps forward with the leash in hand when he was suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and jerked backwards. He stumbled and quickly regained his footing, turning to find that Dark Nation had dropped into a sit and was refusing to move. The look in his eyes was now one of determination, and perhaps a bit of smug amusement.

"For fuck's sake, don't start already," Reno glared at him, giving the leash a firm tug with both hands but failing to so much as budge the creature. "Come. ON!" He yanked again, grunting with the effort and gritting his teeth. Still, Dark Nation remained nearly motionless, regarding the human with stubborn disdain. At that moment Reno wished he was more than barely average in size and height, and not for the first time. He bet Rude could have pulled the dog along easily enough. Maybe. He felt his temper begin to rise, his cheeks flushing with both the effort and emotion. How did he always end up in situations like this? He must have been cursed at birth.

"Gonna make this as hard as possible for me, aren't you, flea bag? Fine! I'll yank you down the fucking path by your god damn neck if I have to. One way or another, you _are _getting in that car and going to this appointment. You ain't making a fool out of me!"Dark Nation growled, but his rear end remained firmly planted on the ground.

"Fuck you too!" Reno exclaimed, getting a good grip before turning his back to the dog and using his entire body to attempt to drag him forward again. He draped the leash over one shoulder and leaned forward, holding on with both hands and digging in with his feet firmly glued to the ground. Slowly, he felt the dog begin to inch forward, his nails scraping against the cement as he pulled backwards and tried his damnedest to remain planted where he was. Reno was soon out of breath, his muscles screaming in protest, but a slight smirk of victory crossed his scarred face as they made painfully slow progress down the path.

It took over ten minutes and every ounce of strength Reno had, the big dog fighting him the entire time, but they eventually came to a stop on the passenger side of the vehicle. He frowned, noting that it was a very nice, and likely _very_ expensive, black sports car… which was also extremely small. It was only a two-door, the back seat barely fit to hold two tiny people. How in the hell was he going to get the enormous dog inside?

"Fucking idiots," Reno muttered, wondering who had chosen the car and whether or not it was done on purpose. "Just great…"

He paused to have a cigarette, realizing they were now running barely on time but not caring as he fought to calm his nerves and his temper. Dark Nation sat stubbornly at his feet, still glaring with those evil eyes. At least he wasn't attempting to get away, Reno thought, his arms still burning from having to drag the creature to the car. He briefly hoped that the worst was over.

"Okay then," Reno said, stomping out the remains of his quick smoke break and opening the door of the car. He leaned in and quickly figured out how to push the passenger seat forward. Still, the space it gave him was barely enough for someone his size to squeeze through and into the back seat… How he was supposed to get the reluctant and muscular Guard Hound to maneuver through the small opening was beyond him. Maybe he would suddenly decide to cooperate?

"Hey, boy… Wanna go for a ride?" he said, forcing a goofy smile onto his face as he used his best cheerful tone. "Come on, it'll be fun! This car is a real babe magnet, too. Maybe we'll both find us a nice bitch… Ha, get it?"

Dark Nation turned his head the other way, completely ignoring the invitation and the lame joke. Reno sighed heavily.

"Well, tough, you're going anyway!"

He attempted to lead the dog toward the open door by pulling on his leash, but he had returned to sitting and digging his claws into the sidewalk. Reno growled in frustration, a sound Dark Nation instantly returned.

"Get in there!" Reno shouted at him, realizing they were going to be late if the dog did not get into the car within the next few minutes. "Come on, dude, don't be such a sissy!"Dark Nation didn't budge, so Reno got behind him and began to shuffle forward against the massive canine's body, slowly pushing him toward the car with every ounce of his body weight and strength. The dog tried to resist, but was slowly shoved closer and closer to the back seat of the vehicle. Soon, his chest was pushed up against it, but he refused to lift his front legs to climb inside no matter how hard Reno pushed.

"Fucking hell…"

He studied the dog's back, weighing his options. He did not want to be late for the appointment and get chewed out by a grouchy veterinarian, and later Rufus and Tseng. Plus, if he got all the way there and it was too late for Dark Nation to be seen, he would probably have to do this all again another day. There was no way in hell that was going to happen! He needed to get the damn dog into the car, and fast.

"Just lift your god damn legs!" he told the creature, keeping his body directly behind him so he could not back away from the car. "It's that fucking simple."

Dark Nation remained immobile, his chest squashed up against the frame of the vehicle and his head pressed against the back seat. Reno eyed the two muzzles he wore, noting that there was no way the dog could bite him while wearing them. Still, it was with great trepidation that he leaned over and lifted one of the canine's long front legs, then the other, to rest on the floor of the car. Dark Nation resisted his every move, his bulky frame dead weight and awkward, but Reno managed. When he straightened up and took a moment to catch his breath, he pushed firmly against the dog's rear once more, but he was digging in with all his might and barely shifted an inch.

"DAM MIT!" Reno exclaimed, lifting his knee beneath the dog's rump and using his frustration to his advantage, lifting and shoving the creature until he stumbled forward into the car. After making sure his boney tail was entirely inside, Reno slammed the door behind him and took a deep breath as he slumped against the car. He was exhausted, and they hadn't even left yet.

"HA! I win!" he exclaimed at the window, joyfully showing the dog his favorite finger. Dark Nation was standing with his front legs on the back seat and his rear end on the floor, appearing even larger when crammed inside the small vehicle.

Reno was about to walk around to the driver's side when an odd odor reached his nose. He frowned, making a disgusted face as he tried to process what it was. The smell was rancid and potent, reminding him of rotten fish left out in the sun, or perhaps a bad can of tuna discovered several decades after its expiration date. He looked around for the source, finding nothing suspicious until he glanced downward.

There, just above the knee of his dark slacks, was a small round circle of wetness. He frowned as he studied it, leaning down a bit to get a closer look. As he did, the horrific odor intensified and he quickly straightened up as if he'd been slapped. Reno began to gag, the bile rising in his throat as the worst thing that had ever crossed his olfactory glands lingered in his nostrils. It burned, and he swore he could even taste it. With that thought, he bent over and began to dry heave beside the car, his insides churning as his eyes watered from the sheer potency.

Reno knew enough about dogs to realize exactly what it was that had seeped into his pants and onto the skin of his leg. Butt juice. There was fucking dog _butt juice _on him! Knowing this only made him gag harder, and soon his breakfast and the coffee he'd been guzzling all morning graced the sidewalk with their second coming.

"Oh gods," he gasped, finally able to straighten up after several minutes of vomitting. He looked down at his pants again and shuddered, realizing he had no time to go and change and nothing with which to attempt to wipe it off. "Fucking gross… Ugh…"

Still nauseated and a bit shaken, Reno slowly made his way around to the driver's side of the vehicle and hesitantly climbed inside. He immediately began to gag again, the odor ten times stronger within. Clearly it must be on the damn dog as well, he thought as he fought the need to vomit again with all his might. He grit his teeth, rolling his window down half-way as he started the car. He could feel Dark Nation's enormous head just behind his seat, the canine's hot breath on the back of his neck.

With the odor of anal glands and dog breath filling the air, a very disgusted Reno pulled away from the curb and began the drive toward the veterinarian's office as fast as he could manage in the Midgar traffic. He had already decided that this was one of the worst days of his life.


	4. Chapter 4: The Car Ride

((**Author's Note: **Warning: I do not recommend reading this if you are eating and easily grossed out! There are a number of rather disgusting dog-related things contained within, as only a professional groomer could describe so vividly, haha. Also expect the usual profanity from Reno. Disclaimer: I _adore_ dogs, and the negative opinions about them expressed within belong to Reno alone. This chapter may be the worst of it for our beloved Turk, though the wait in the office won't go smoothly either (of course). Sorry I am still updating so infrequently, my health and writer's block are conspiring against me, and Diablo 3 is happily helping them (Nice to see so many of you in-game, btw! I am JenesisX#1916 for anyone else wanting to add me there). Hearing from you all certainly helps me combat my writer's block and distractions, so please take a moment to drop me a review. It is always so much appreciated! ~ JenesisX))

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**Chapter Four: The Car Ride**

The odor inside the car lessened a bit when Reno was able to reach a larger road that ran North and South across Upper Midgar, his window half-way open and fresh air blowing inside. He could still smell the strong odor of anal glands, but was doing his best to ignore it and the enormous canine panting through the two muzzles he wore just behind Reno's head. He really wished the damn dog would just lay the hell down instead of standing half on the floor and half on the back seat, his face filling the rear view mirror and his breath hot on the back of Reno's neck. Fucking dog needed a mint or something… His front end didn't smell all that much better than his rear. How could anyone stand to _live_ with a creature like that?

Reno really didn't understand why people loved dogs so much. In his mind, they were nothing but work and grossness. You had to walk them, play with them, groom them, prepare their meals like caring for a damn kid… You couldn't leave them home alone for very long if you wanted to spend the night elsewhere or go on a trip, and they were often destructive and in need of constant attention. Plus, they were just _nasty_ in his opinion… always farting, leaking butt juice, drooling, panting in your face and trying to lick you. His cat was much easier to care for, and so much cleaner. He even knew tricks, so it was bullshit that dogs were smarter… They all seemed damn stupid to Reno, tongues lolling out of their mouths and barking all day at nothing. His cat didn't really care if Reno failed to come home after a night out at the bar, and he groomed himself and happily shit in a box. You could leave a bunch of dry food out in one of those automatic feeder things, do the same with water, and viola! The cat practically took care of himself. His beloved Pissy was affectionate, but not overbearing, and he did a lot of funny things and kept the bed warm at night, too. And even though he was a large male tabby, he could still be controlled and easily carried around… unlike the enormous freak of nature currently occupying the back seat.

"Lay down!" Reno yelled, glaring into the rear view mirror as he drove down the street at just above the speed limit. They were going to be late otherwise, and he preferred to be able to see and concentrate so they wouldn't be in an accident.

Dark Nation did something shocking in response. He _actually laid down_. Reno's jaw dropped open, soon replaced by a wide grin. Maybe the worst was over after all! Who knew the stupid mutt would understand him and actually obey? Cool. Maybe he had a brain in that thick skull after all.

When they stopped at a red light, Reno began to fiddle with the car's radio. He always got bored while driving unless he had something good to listen to, and he assumed the expensive sports car would have a great sound system. He definitely needed some good driving music for _this _trip. He was thrilled to find that he was right, tuning into a rock station and turning up the volume until the vehicle vibrated. He could vaguely hear Dark Nation doing something with his paws as he laid across the back seat, but he didn't really care since the creature was no longer assaulting him with death breath and drooling on his shoulder.

As the light turned green and he sped down the road, Reno began to rock out to the music, almost able to forget the lingering odor and the difficulties of the morning. This wasn't so bad… driving a sexy car with an awesome stereo through the city instead of sitting bored behind his desk all day. Yeah, this wasn't bad at all! Tseng's punishments sure were pathetic, he thought, smirking to himself. Victory!

Dark Nation chose that moment to rise from his position, moving to sit with his rear on the back seat and his front paws on the floor, his head protruding between the front seats and only inches away from Reno's face. As he glanced in the rearview mirror again to see what the creature was up to, his heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. Somehow, he had managed to remove _both _muzzles, his mouth now hanging wide open and his tongue lolling out to the side as he panted and dripped drool onto the center console and Reno's suit jacket. His large white teeth reminded Reno of a shark, and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. He was looking death right in its cold, black eyes.

"Oh shit," he squeaked, expecting the dog to lunge for his throat at any moment. Instead, Dark Nation continued to sit there, gazing ahead at the road as if he was now enjoying the ride. "Um… Don't kill me, okay?" Reno pleaded, his body rigid with tension as he fought to keep his eyes on the road. The dog didn't even look at him, and he hoped that meant he wasn't interested in a fight.

Just then, Reno's favorite song began to play on the radio. He did his best to relax, telling himself that the dog just wanted to be able to breathe easier and did not harbor plans to rip his face off at the first opportune moment. He took a deep breath and started to sing along, nodding his head in time to the beat and attempting to ignore the giant dog hovering over his shoulder. It wasn't easy, but he really did love the song and began to lose himself in the dark lyrics. He'd have to stop being cheap and get himself a copy of the CD next time he was out shopping.

As he stopped at another red light and the chorus began, a horrific sound filled the air. It was so loud that Reno's right ear popped, and for a moment he thought the car was going to explode. He covered his ears and glanced at Dark Nation in the rear view mirror, concerned that the noise would freak him out. He blinked in shock at what he saw.

The canine's head was thrown back and his eyes were closed as he howled along to the music. He was definitely tone deaf and completely drowning out the song with his own rendition. It almost would have been funny if it wasn't so ungodly loud, _and _during a song Reno adored. He noticed that people were pointing and laughing at them, mentally urging the damn light to change and sinking down into the driver's seat in embarrassment. He swore it was the longest red light in history as Dark Nation continued to howl at the top of his voice. Finally, as the light changed and he slammed his foot down onto the gas pedal, Reno switched off the radio with a heavy sigh. So much for _that_.

"Thanks a lot, dog," he grumbled, noting the surprised expression the Guard Hound wore when the music suddenly stopped. He looked confused, and even a bit disappointed. "I was listening to that…" The canine tilted his head as if to say he had been, too. Reno giggled despite himself. "I'll tell Rufus you like hard rock. I bet he only listens to fruity classical shit all the time, huh?"

Dark Nation returned to panting in his face as they turned onto the ramp leading to the city's main highway. Reno figured they were about half-way to the veterinarian's office, which should have them arriving just barely on time. After a few minutes of riding in peace, Dark Nation began to fidget, soon leaving his position and moving about in the backseat as if he was trying to pace in the confines of the tiny vehicle. Reno figured he was nervous, or maybe feeling claustrophobic. He didn't much care what his problem was, simply glad to have the dog out of his face for the moment. Dogs _did _circle a lot before they laid down, didn't they? Maybe that was it.

Reno rolled up the window as he reached seventy miles per hour, the wind a bit much and making his eyes tear. He was disturbed to find he had become used to the odor of dog breath and anal glands. He could not wait to get done with this assignment and go home to take a long, hot shower with lots and lots of soap. Then he would get stone drunk and try to forget all about it. It was his standard coping mechanism, and it often worked… at least partially. For a while. With some of the things he wished to forget in his past, it wasn't nearly enough, but he had to try or he'd go insane like Sephiroth had. The fact that he could relate to what the former General had done because of his own difficult past was disturbing as well, and he shuddered inwardly. At least he hadn't gone completely insane… Yet. This mission was probably not going to help.

Reno's mind was yanked back to the present when an odor even more horrific than what had assaulted him earlier filled the car, making the air so thick with it that he immediately felt as it he couldn't breathe. Gasping and trying not to gag, he quickly rolled down the window and stuck his head out, half hoping another vehicle would pass by too close and decapitate him. Once he caught his breath, still partially leaning out the window, Reno realized to his horror that the dog had actually taken a shit back there.

"_What_ the _fuck, _Dark Nation!" he exclaimed, glancing in the rearview mirror and spotting the steaming pile right in the middle of the seat. "You are fucking disgusting! You were _just _out in the yard before we left, why didn't you go then?"The dog sat tucked in the far corner of the back seat, avoiding his deposit and looking at it as if it were an alien sent to abduct him. He gave Reno an innocent look as if to deny he had been the cause, drool dripping from his tongue and forming small puddles on the floor.

Reno struggled to stay in his lane as he gagged and hung out the window, realizing there was nowhere he could stop the car to try to get rid of the dog crap. It was the biggest pile of shit he had ever seen in his life, as if an elephant had laid it and not a dog. The smell was worse than even that of the dumps Rude took in the office men's room every afternoon, an odor that lingered for over an hour after the large man retired to the stall for his daily deuce. It was worse than even the foulest of gas Reno was afflicted with after eating too much junk food when he drank, something he enjoyed torturing his coworkers with the following morning in their small shared workspace. He had smelled many dead, decomposing bodies in his years as a Turk, which he previously thought to be the worst smell in existence, but he was wrong. This pile of doggie dung took the cake. Or was that the pie?

Suddenly, something Rude once told him burst into his mind, and he nearly vomited right into his own lap. When you smell something, his partner had told him sagely, it meant that there were actually small particles of whatever it was inside your nose. Oh fuck. There was dog shit _in his nose_! Reno opened his mouth and began to breathe that way, then realized it was now _in his mouth_, too. He began to retch, but his stomach was empty from his earlier misadventure and nothing came up.

"Oh god, oh god," he nearly whimpered, still fighting the bile that kept threatening to rise up in his throat. "I hate dogs, I hate Tseng and Elena, I hate my fucking life…"

The loud wail of a siren suddenly filled the air, and Reno glanced in the mirror and saw the flashing blue and white lights of a traffic officer's vehicle just behind him. "Oh, fuck _me!_" he exclaimed, realizing the cop was actually pulling him over. Was this some kind of cosmic fucking practical joke? If it was, the universe had a seriously fucked up sense of humor.

Sighing heavily and still fighting not to vomit, Reno carefully merged to the right and came to a stop in the emergency lane of the highway, wondering what else could possibly go wrong before they even reached the veterinarian's office. When he saw the large, angry-looking officer approaching the vehicle, he swallowed hard and began to lower his window, already preparing a speech in his head. Surely he could charm the guy with his glowing personality and status as a Turk escorting Rufus Shin-ra's beloved pet?

Dark Nation, however, had other ideas.


	5. Chapter 5: Fighting the Law

((**Author's Notes**: Hey all, sorry for the delay in updating this fic! As I've posted in other updates and at my bog, I was having a horrible time with migraines and writer's block for the last couple months. But I am doing much better now, and my muse seems to be back in full force! It believe it is bipolar, as it either gets depressed and quiet and gives me nothing, or it goes into overdrive and I get all excited and inspired and write like crazy. Anyway… Reno (and Dark Nation) versus traffic cop, go! The usual warnings for Reno's foul mouth, and some doggie grossness as well. Next chapter will feature their arrival at the veterinarian's office and more fun in the waiting room! I expect this to go another two or three chapters before completion. As always, _please _take a moment to leave a review and add me to your favs and alerts if you are enjoying my work. Thanks so much! **~ JenesisX**))

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**Chapter Five: Fighting the Law**

Reno began to open his suit jacket so he could remove his Shin-ra employee identification card and his Turk badge with which to impress the approaching traffic cop, confident that he would soon be on his way again. He was the highest ranking member of the elite Turks aside from Tseng himself. He figured the cop might even recognize him from the many times he had been on television or working at important functions throughout Midgar. His status worked for picking up women, and he was certain it would work here as well.

As he began to roll down his window, the cop now visible out of the corner of his eye, Dark Nation exploded into action. Reno's ears popped as he began barking and snarling at the top of his voice, lunging at the glass and actually slamming his head into it in an attempt to get to the strange man approaching their vehicle. Reno cringed, quickly rolling the window back up to leave only a crack at the top through which to attempt to speak. But to his horror, he saw that the officer had dropped into a shooting stance and drawn his revolver, pointing it directly at the back window and his charge for the day.

"Hey, yo!" Reno shouted, fighting an urge to draw his own weapon in response. He doubted that would end well for the cop, who was just doing his job. "Don't shoot!"

"Call off that dog or I'll blow his brains out!" the officer replied, his gun arm visibly shaking. Great. A nervous officer with an itchy trigger finger. Why did _everything _have to suck?

"You do _not_ want to shoot this dog!" Reno shouted over Dark Nation's continued verbal assault, able to hear him frantically pawing at the door now as well. Thank the gods for child safety locks. "Do you know who we are?"

"I don't care, call off the dog! NOW!"

Reno sighed heavily and momentarily closed his eyes. Dark Nation was in full attack mode, and he knew there was no way he would be able to stop him as long as the officer remained so close to the vehicle and obviously hostile. He had to make a quick decision before the cop took it out of his hands… His job was to protect Dark Nation, and whether he liked it or not, he was going to do it to the best of his ability. He didn't hold his high rank for nothing, after all.

Reno was out of the car and had his own gun drawn faster than the officer could blink, his eyes widening as he turned his weapon toward the Turk. Reno held his weapon steady as he withdrew his silver badge with his free hand, thrusting it toward the stunned officer.

"I'm Reno of the Turks, second in command! And _that _is Dark Nation, Rufus Shin-ra's personal Guard Hound. If you shoot that fucking dog, I'll either kill you on the spot or be sent out to do it later tonight. So I suggest you put the fucking gun away and do whatever stupid ticket thing it is you do… then move along! Mister Shin-ra is going to be seriously pissed if you make his dog late for the appointment I'm escorting him to."

Reno was aware of a number of motorists slowing to a crawl to watch the scene playing out on the shoulder, several of them nearly causing accidents as they rubber-necked and swerved out of their lanes. He supposed the sight of a cop and a guy in a suit training their guns on each other _was _a bit novel. Still, they were morons for endangering themselves and others just to stare, and he half-hoped someone would end up flying over the guardrail. Midgar was so overpopulated.

The burly officer blinked, momentarily speechless, squinting at Reno's badge. "You put your gun away first so I can see your identification!" he finally managed to yell, his voice trembling ever so slightly. "You're lucky I didn't shoot you the second you drew your weapon on an officer of the law!"

"Yeah, good luck with that," Reno snorted, knowing he could easily outshoot this peon with his one-week training course and obvious bad nerves. He did, however, holster his gun beneath his suit jacket, producing his identification card and holding it out toward the officer along with his badge. "Here, take a good look."

The cop slowly replaced his weapon, still watching Reno suspiciously. Dark Nation continued to go nuts inside the vehicle, his bark deafening even on the outside as he continued to throw himself against the window. Reno briefly wondered how strong the glass was. The officer took the items from his hand and looked them over closely for what seemed like ages, lifting an eyebrow as he returned them.

"Wow. Um, I mean… ahem. Your credentials seem to be in order, sir," he said with obvious admiration in his voice. "Damn. I've never met a Turk in person before."

"Well now you have… Why the fuck did you stop me, anyway? I'm in a hurry here."

"Oh," he said, as if he had forgotten all about that little detail. He glanced at the still-furious Guard Hound for a moment, swallowing hard before replying. "You were driving very erratically, swerving all over the road. I thought you might be drunk."

"Ha, I wish!" Reno exclaimed, shaking his head. "No, dude. Look. Let me level with you. This is the worst fucking assignment ever, all right? I gotta take this vicious, nasty, stinking dog to the veterinarian for Mister Shin-ra, and now I'm gonna be late and catch hell. I was swerving because I couldn't fucking _breathe _in there. He took a huge shit in the backseat, and it smells like death on a hot summer's day. Stick your head in there and smell for yourself!"

"Um, no thanks. That dog still wants to kill me." As if he could hear the officer's words, Dark Nation seemed to get a fresh burst of energy, repeatedly snapping at the glass and displaying his very large, white teeth. He was still barking and snarling, and Reno hoped he might lose his voice before the drive back home.

"Yeah, well, we're going to be late for his appointment now," Reno said, glancing down at his watch with a frown. "And if I get in trouble for it, I'm dropping _your _name to my boss."

"Wh-what? I'm just doing my job! You can't do that! I've got four kids to feed!"

"I'm just doing _my_ job, too, and I didn't tell you to go around seeding the Planet. I have ten minutes left to get to this place, or Mister Shin-ra's poor dog will have to continue to suffer from his many ailments until another day. His daddy ain't gonna be real happy about that. And when Mister Shin-ra isn't happy…" Reno shook his head sadly, though inside he was thoroughly enjoying himself. It was so much fun to fuck with people, especially when they were stupid and incompetent.

"But-"

"Now, I can think of _one_ way we can fix this mess," Reno went on smugly, leaning up against the car and folding his arms across his chest despite Dark Nation's continued attacks at the rear window. He was still afraid the dumb dog was going to break through, but he wasn't about to show it.

"What would that be…?" The officer was sweating and fidgeting now, and Reno fought not to snicker. What a dope. No wonder there was so much crime in the city, with morons like this patrolling it. If Rude had been with him, the poor guy probably would have shit his pants by now.

"I'd like a police escort the rest of the way. You know… High speed, lights, sirens, the whole deal. Get us there on time and I'll _try _to forget this ever happened. Oh, and no fucking ticket, either."

"Yeah, yeah," the officer said too quickly, nodding his head like a yo-yo. "I can do that for you, sir! It would be my pleasure."

_I am such a fucking genius… Gods I'm awesome!_

"All right, let's get on with it!" Reno exclaimed, clapping his hands together sharply. "This is a very important appointment, you know, which is why I was sent to handle it personally." That was only stretching the truth a little…

"Right, sir! You can count on me!"

Reno handed over the appointment card containing Dr. Payne's address, inwardly snickering to himself over how quickly he had turned the officer into his willing servant. It was so good to be a Turk.

He almost forgot how good it was when he opened the door and cautiously slid back into the driver's seat, gagging as the smell of dog shit attacked his senses and his sanity. Dark Nation _did _finally stop barking and attacking the window, peering at him curiously as he started the engine.

"Good job, dumbfuck. You almost got us both killed!"

Dark Nation tilted his head as he panted hard from the exertion, then returned to growling out the window at the officer's vehicle. Reno glanced in the rearview mirror and saw to his horror that the giant dog had smashed and smeared his poop all over the back seat and the door he'd been lunging at. He started to dry heave again, quickly swallowing down on the bile as the cop car turned on its lights and siren and pulled out in front of him. Reno gunned it and followed, his mind racing with the fear that he might be spending the next few days picking embedded dog shit out of the upholstery. No. No way. There was no way in _hell _that was happening! He would sooner hand over his entire week's pay to bribe someone else into doing it before he would ever entertain trying to deal with such a disgusting mess. That was definitely _not_ in his job description.

"You are fucking disgusting and I hate you!" Reno shouted at the dog as they reached ninety miles an hour, flying down the highway and avoiding all the other traffic. It made him feel a little better, but didn't lessen the horrible smell that surrounded him and seemed to be seeping into his pores. He doubted the expensive car would ever be drivable again, and he planned to throw out all of his clothing the moment he got home. There was no way such a potent, horrible odor would ever wash out of the fabric. And even if it did, Reno would never be able to wear that suit again without thinking of dog shit. No thanks.

Reno tried to enjoy the high-speed ride, reveling in the novelty of having his own police escort and getting to ignore the speed limit without worrying. He turned on the radio again and attempted to relax and ignore the stench, having only moderate success. As they sped along the highway toward the veterinarian's office, Reno was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea for revenge. Elena's birthday was fast approaching, and now he knew _exactly _what he was going to get her.

A Guard Hound puppy.


	6. Chapter 6: The Waiting Room

**Chapter Six: The Waiting Room**

Reno waved to his police escort as the officer pulled back onto the highway, choosing the closest parking space outside Dr. Payne's office and screeching to a halt. He glanced down at the clock and saw that they'd arrived with one minute to spare.

"Shit!" Reno exclaimed, in such a rush that he forgot to undo his seatbelt and almost strangled himself as he opened the door and attempted to exit the car. He paused once he freed himself and got to his feet, nervously looking back and forth between the building and the backseat of the car. He wasn't sure how easily Dark Nation could be coaxed out of the vehicle and wanted the doctor to know they had arrived for the appointment. It would only take a minute to duck inside and speak to a member of the staff… Reno was sure the dog would be fine in the car for that long, turning and jogging toward the doorway.

When he opened the door and entered the building, he wrinkled his nose at the noxious smell of cat urine, wet dog, and disinfectant that hung heavy in the air. At least it smelled better than the soiled car he'd been trapped in for the last half an hour. He approached the front desk, where a heavyset middle-aged woman with thick glasses and bluish hair proceeded to ignore him while filing her nails. Reno frowned, clearing his throat and drumming his fingers on the countertop to force her attention. Finally, she set down the tool with a sigh and glanced up without smiling.

"Yes?"

"I'm here with Dark Nation Shin-ra," Reno said, glancing pointedly at the clock on the wall. "We're right on time, I just have to get him out of the car."

"Oh! Mister Shin-ra's dog!" she exclaimed, instantly sitting up a bit straighter and adjusting her outdated hairstyle. "I'll let the doctor know you're here right away!"

"Yeah… whatever," Reno muttered to her back and she hurried away. _Fat bitch…_

He groaned to himself as he went back outside to retrieve the Guard Hound, telling himself that this horrible assignment was now more than half-way completed. Then he could return the dumb dog and soiled car, clock out, and enjoy his evening however he chose. Although he did intend to look for local Guard Hound breeders at some point… He had a feeling Elena _might_ actually like such a gift, at least initially, but was reasonably sure Tseng wouldn't appreciate the addition to their lives. That was good enough for him. The guy got laid all the time by a hot young blond _and_ got to boss everyone around all day from the safety of his own office. Whether he'd almost been killed recently in the line of duty or not, Reno felt it was high time he experienced a little suffering. Or maybe he was just jealous. Dammit.

He could see Dark Nation standing on the backseat of the sports car, his head hanging forward into the driver's section. He was moving around a little, but Reno couldn't tell exactly what he was doing. Perhaps he was just trying to see where his human escort had gone and was waiting for him.

When he got closer, however, his eyes widened in horror when he saw what the dog was _actually_ doing. He was gnawing on the headrest of the driver's seat, happily tearing into the upholstery and ripping out giant chunks of stuffing. Reno watched as he tore off a large hunk, spit the innards onto the floor, and went back for seconds.

"NO! Stop that!" he shouted, running to the vehicle and opening the door in a panic. Rufus had threatened him about returning the car in pristine condition, and the interior was already covered in shit, drool, and anal glands. Those things could _possibly_ be hidden or cleaned, but _this_…

"You stupid dog!" he scolded, surprised when Dark Nation happily jumped out of the car without a fight. He almost forgot to take a hold of his leash, hastily grabbing it as the creature began to sniff the ground and wander away. He supposed the dog probably had to go to the bathroom again. The stupid thing required so much damn maintenance…

He allowed the Guard Hound to lead the way toward the long strip of grass alongside the parking lot, pulling out his PHS and checking his messages as they walked. There was one from a girl he'd met a few nights before, and another from Rude. Apparently word of his assignment had spread and he was the laughing stock of the entire department. Reno sighed heavily, beginning to reply to the woman first as Dark Nation stopped at a spot and sniffed in earnest.

"_sure babe i would luv to c u again_," he tapped out, even though for the life of him he could not remember what this woman looked like or anything else about her. If she had his number, though, he knew she must have been hot. He was about to text Rude and tell him to go fuck himself with a pointy stick when a warm sensation spread from his lower leg straight to his foot. It didn't register at first, but he finally blinked in confusion and glanced downward.

Dark Nation was standing beside him, leg hiked in the air, happily pissing down his leg and into his shoe. He could have sworn the fucking dog was smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he shouted, leaping away from the yellow stream and nearly dropping his PHS into the puddle that was forming around him. "You stupid fucking dog! I fucking hate you! I wish you would just drop dead!"

An old man carrying a small poodle glared at him as he climbed into his car, clearly disapproving of his treatment of Dark Nation and shaking his bald head in disgust. If only the old fart knew who had been abusing who! Reno glared back at him, then looked down at himself in despair. Those were his only good pair of shoes…

He muttered under his breath and led the giant canine toward the door, the warm liquid audibly squishing up between his toes with each step. Thankfully, Dark Nation came along willingly, leaving a slight trail of poop-stained footprints behind. He again wondered why in the hell anyone would willingly own such a foul animal.

Upon entering the waiting room, he heaved a heavy sigh and sat in the far corner, keeping a tight hold on Dark Nation's leash even though he was embarrassed to be seen with such a hideous creature. To his surprise, the big dog simply laid down at his feet, panting but otherwise completely still. The old hag secretary smiled at them over the counter before answering a phone call, leaving Reno to look around in boredom. He sure hoped he wasn't going to be left to rot out there for ages like human doctors so loved to do to their patients. _Be here right on time or I'll fine you and cancel your appointment. But when you get here, I'm just going to make you sit and wait for an hour, then charge you tons of money anyway. Bwahahaha! _Maybe he should have been a doctor. Eh… He had a feeling he might have had a bit of trouble with the schoolwork since he struggled even to type passable reports without dozens of spelling and grammatical errors. He could almost hear Tseng complaining yet again about how he was fluent in two languages while Reno couldn't even manage one. But these doctor fuckers were _not _as smart as they thought they were, he scoffed, finally spotting a cat magazine and beginning to flip through the pages.

He felt a smile begin to creep across his face as he looked at adorable pictures of kittens and various exotic breeds of felines, almost forgetting his troubles for the moment. Now _there_ was a pet he really could relate to. Sleep, eat, shit and then sleep some more while occasionally enjoying some extremely vocal mating. He found himself wishing he could be a cat instead of a human, and not for the first time. He glanced up as the door to the office opened a few minutes later, almost dropping the magazine when he saw who was entering the building.

He stared as a very attractive woman holding a cat carrier sauntered up to the desk and checked in for her appointment. She had long, thick chestnut brown hair and a great ass, and when she turned he saw that her face and breasts weren't bad, either. She looked his direction and smiled, making her way back to where he'd settled with Dark Nation and choosing a spot just one seat away. She was wise enough to keep her cat on the far side of her, at least, and it meowed plaintively every few seconds in the universal call of the pissed-off pussy. Reno grinned back, sure to flash his best blue puppy dog eyes. He sat up a bit straighter, pleased when Dark Nation only lifted his head and sniffed in her general direction. She actually smiled down at the dog as if she was unafraid of him and didn't find his presence horrific. She didn't react as if she smelled anything foul either, which he considered to be a miracle.

"Oh, how cute! What's his name?" she said in a voice more fitting to a blond in Reno's mind, actually leaning over and patting the Guard Hound on the top of his head. He was about to yell a warning, images of her hand being torn from her arm in a shower of blood running through his mind, when he actually felt Dark Nation's tail wagging and beating against the underside of his cheap plastic chair. Apparently the damn thing had good taste in women. Maybe Rufus had trained him well after all…

Reno forced a grin and tried to sound as if he actually liked the horrible creature when he spoke his name. "Dark Nation. Um, I didn't name him, though… He's my boss' dog." He forced himself to reach down and fondly rub one of the canine's ears, sensing his opening to really impress the chic. "My name is Reno, second in command of the Turks. This is President Shin-ra's personal Guard Hound."

Her brown eyes widened almost comically as she studied first the dog, and then Reno himself. "I'm Shelly. You know, I _thought _you looked familiar," she finally replied, flashing an openly flirtatious grin. She had perfectly white teeth and her entire face lit up, making her even more attractive than he'd already thought. "Wow, how cool! Is your job fun? I always wanted to be a Turk!"

Reno tried not to roll his eyes at the moronic response he'd heard thousands of times before, reminding himself that it wasn't her brain, or lack thereof, that interested him. "Oh yeah," he replied, absently removing his PHS from his pocket as if he had important business to keep up with. "Tons of fun. Very exciting. Great pay and all, too."

"Cool!" she exclaimed yet again. "It is _so cool _running into you here! It's usually just old ladies and stuff."

Reno quickly fired off a text to Rude, wanting to show him just who was having a bad day now. _"yo rude there is this super hot chic in the waiting room. watch me work my magic!"_

He nodded his understanding as he sent the message, running a hand through his hair and continuing to use his eyes on her. "I have a cat, too," he said, pausing for a moment to consider whether or not to share what he called his feline with this gorgeous woman. "His name is Bob," he finally lied, deciding that the chic would likely approve of that over 'Pissy.' Sometimes chics could be really uptight and lacked a sense of humor.

"_Good luck, buddy," _came the reply from Rude. Reno smirked as he slipped the PHS back into his pocket, sure to hold his jacket open wider than needed to showcase his gun and other fancy Turk equipment.

"Awwww! My kitty is named Pookie," she said, shifting the carrier so Reno could lean over and take a look at her pet. Inside was a gorgeous Persian, and he grinned with genuine appreciation.

"Wow, she's beautiful," he said, lingering close to her a bit longer than necessary. "Pis-Bob would love to meet her. He's really friendly."

"So is she!" Shelly said with enthusiasm, now hanging on Reno's every word and occasionally looking him over from head to toe. He knew he looked good in a suit, even though he hated the stupid things and never managed to appear as neat and professional as most of his coworkers. "I had another kitty, Mister Goose, but he passed away this year," she went on, her voice trembling ever so slightly. "Pookie's been _so _lonely but I can't afford another right now. Being a waitress _sucks_ sometimes."

Reno shook his head sadly, taking the opportunity to slide into the vacant seat between them and place a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "I am so sorry," he said in his best funeral voice, making his sky blue eyes as sad as possible. "I can't even imagine losing my kitty." That, at least, was no lie or exaggeration. He was so glad Pissy was only about a year old.

To his delight, Shelly was eating up the attention and didn't move away like many women might have. Reno grinned inwardly, once again impressed by his ability to read chics and know exactly what to say and do. Aaah, he had a feeling tonight was going to be even better than expected.

"Thanks," she said, their eyes locking for long moments and a slight blush coloring her cheeks. She finally giggled and looked away, smiling shyly into her lap like an infatuated schoolgirl.

"Hey, maybe we could have a play date… You know, for the cats," Reno suggested, though that was most definitely _not _what he hoped would be the main focus of their potential get-together.

_Hehe, play date. I am so fucking clever._

"Oooh, cool! That sounds li-"

Reno lifted an eyebrow and watched in confusion as Shelly abruptly stopped speaking and wrinkled her nose, her face turning a disturbing shade of green. And then it hit him. A smell more foul than death, more horrible than dog shit, more terrible than anything he had ever smelled and laced with a spicy hint of anal glands came wafting up from beneath his seat. His eyes began to water and he choked, glaring down at Dark Nation in horror. The dog hadn't so much as moved and in fact appeared to be asleep, but he had no doubt the creature had dropped the silent toxic bomb on purpose.

"Oh gods," Reno gasped, watching as Shelly began to gag and dry heave, covering her mouth with one manicured hand. "I am _so_ sorry. It must be his nerves, he-"

"You're seriously going to blame that poor, sweet dog?!" Shelly exclaimed, climbing to her feet between retches and grabbing a hold of Pookie's carrier. "At least have the balls to admit it! Ugh! GROSS!"

"But, it wasn't me!"

He watched, stunned, as she ignored him and moved as far across the waiting room as possible before sitting down again. She pulled out her PHS and frowned severely as she began to text someone, still gagging every few seconds. He had never seen anyone look so disgusted in his life, and that was saying something.

Reno closed his eyes and threw his head back against the wall with a dull thud. _Why? Why why why?_ He should have known Dark Nation was up to something and not actually behaving himself. The smell continued to linger in the air as he removed his own PHS from his pocket and tried to consol himself by texting his best friend for sympathy.

"_fuck forget that earlier thing i said"_

"_LOL! Did you get slapped again?"_

"_no the fucking dog farted and she thought it was me!"_

"_Ahahahahahaha!"_

"_it is not funny!"_

So much for sympathy. He stole another glance at Shelly, noting the way she had turned in her chair to avoid looking at him. He glared down at Dark Nation, lowering his voice to a threatening whisper.

"I swear to the gods, dog, I _will _get you back for this!" The giant canine lifted his head, his nearly black eyes shining with delight, and opened his mouth in a loud, dramatic yawn. Reno was about to say something more when his PHS beeped with another incoming message, this time from Elena. What the fuck? She _never_ texted him.

"_lmao at u"_

"_hey butt out u dildo duster!"_

What the hell, now Rude was passing on his failures to his nemesis? The idea of them sitting in their cubicles laughing at him was infuriating, and he angrily grabbed the cat magazine and began to roughly turn the pages as he tried to distract himself from his misery. His PHS beeped yet again and he sighed, lifting an eyebrow when he saw that this one came from Tseng. Reno supposed he wanted a progress report or something and opened the message.

"_What, exactly, is a 'dildo duster?'"_

Reno growled, throwing down the magazine and hastily typing out his reply.

"_its a girl thing why don't u go find a woman somewhere and ask!"_

" _;) " _

He almost looked up how to reply with "_Asshole!_" in Wutaiin, then reminded himself that Tseng _was _his boss and it was probably not the best of ideas. The woman comment was likely pushing it…No one else was supposed to know of his involvement with Elena, but at times like this Reno could not resist taking a shot at him. He was about to turn off his PHS all together when he received another new message from Rude.

"_Dildo Duster…?"_

"_i hate u all!" _he replied to all three of them, considering adding to the sentiment when the door to the first examination room opened and a young vet tech smiled in his direction. Even though she was rather cute, he could barely muster the enthusiasm to return it. The fucking dog would probably just fart again and ruin it anyway.

"Come on back, Dark Nation!" she said cheerfully, causing the Guard Hound to rise to his feet and actually pull on the leash to get to her. Reno climbed to his feet with a heavy sigh, reluctantly crossing the room without looking in Shelly's direction and wondering what horrors awaited him next.

* * *

((**Author's Notes: **I'd almost forgotten about the seat-eating and leg-peeing ideas, haha. Good thing for Reno I remembered in time. The texting conversations came to mind out of nowhere while I was trying to play Diablo 3, so I simply had to stop and write it all down. I then proceeded to giggle over it for a good hour… sigh. Anyway. This fic is by far the oddest thing I've ever written and I cannot believe it turned into a fairly-popular multi-chapter deal. Too bad you can't choose Dark Nation as a character in the story description. On another note, links work in profiles again, so please visit and check out my fan fiction blog if you don't mind. It's lonely over there. Next chapter: The Examination! Thanks for your continued reviews and support! _~ JenesisX_))


	7. Chapter 7: The Bitter End

**Chapter Seven: The Bitter End**

Reno was on his hands and knees, vomiting bile into a trash can in one corner of the exam room. He could barely breathe, his stomach heaving and eyes watering as he drooled and gagged. Oh gods. He was going to die. Or had he already died and gone straight to hell? Of all the horrible odors Dark Nation had subjected him to, this was the worst of all. It took the proverbial cake. It was king of the castle, lord of the manor, the supreme ruler of noxious smells everywhere. And it had even come with a visual.

Laughter reached his ears as the image of brownish green liquid squirting in a steady stream from Dark Nation's rear end ran through his mind in a continual loop. He heaved again, moaning pitifully and squeezing his eyes closed.

"Ha! I thought a Turk would be tough enough to handle a little anal gland expression!" Dr. Payne boomed, smirking down at his defeated form. Reno was too busy struggling to catch his breath and keep his innards inside his body cavity to respond, trying not to look down into the can at his own ralph. But there it was, staring him right in the face, practically begging him to add to the pool. And add he did.

A vet tech who was not busy helping the doctor approached him with a bottle of water, looking down at him with sympathy. She was a young blond with her hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head, a bit heavier than he preferred but still rather cute in her pink smock. He flashed a weak smile, gratefully accepting the drink and shakily rising to his feet. He stumbled back to the small corner bench on which he'd been seated before the devil emerged from Dark Nation's asshole, flopping down before he got any dizzier. He took a cautious sip of the ice cold water, glad to get the bitter taste of bile out of his mouth. The liquid stayed down, and the room finally stopped spinning as he took small sips. Most of the vile mess had already been removed from the examination room, but its odor remained strong and invasive. He feared he would smell it for the rest of his life. Reno did his best not to think about it, briefly closing his eyes. His head was pounding, his stomach ached, his throat burned… all from chauffeuring a damn dog to an appointment.

"Why are there dried feces all over his feet?" Dr. Payne was asking, his expression accusatory. "Mr. Shin-ra never brings him in here in such a state…"

_Yeah, man, I shit all over and forced him to step in it… Asshole._

"He shot butt juice on my leg and himself, then shit in the backseat of the car and stomped through it while trying to kill a traffic cop," Reno said flatly, too tired to bother getting angry. He just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so he could go home and die.

The doctor frowned, making a pained face. Reno couldn't tell if it was at his description and language, or the disgusting situation itself. "Well, I can't send him home like this. Mr. Shin-ra is one of my very best clients."

"I can give him a bath, Doctor," the girl who'd brought him the bottle of water said, smiling at the big dog and patting him on the top of his head. Reno had been too busy getting sick to notice before, but he could _not _believe how positively angelic Dark Nation had behaved during his examination, no matter what the doctor did to him. It fucking figured. "Nation is one of my favorites," she continued, leaning over to hug the vile creature. "Aren't you, sweetie?"

The Guard Hound wagged his tail, slurping the girl's face with his enormous tongue and making her giggle. The stupid thing apparently liked being poked and prodded, or else he was just trying to make Reno look bad for complaining about him.

"Don't bother," Reno sighed with a dismissive wave. "The car is covered in it, and he'll just be disgusting again by the time I get him home."

"Oh no!" the girl exclaimed genuinely, frowning in thought. "Hey, I've got an idea… I'll go bathe him and give him a manicure, then get the drops and antibiotics for his ear infection all ready to go. There's a really great car detailing place just around the corner on 9th Street. If you go there and explain the situation and whose car it is, I bet you can get it taken care of by the time I'm done."

Reno almost jumped up to hug her, but he didn't feel like being slapped and found he barely had the energy to drag himself back to his feet. "Wow, really? That would be awesome… Thanks so much." It would sure as hell beat driving home in a car full of shit, and possibly having to clean it up himself.

"No problem, sir," she said with a smile and a twinkle in her pretty green eyes, taking Dark Nation's leash in hand and leading him toward the back. "I'll even wash his leash for you, I see some poo on it."

Reno glanced down at his hands and swallowed hard, nearly running to the sink and scrubbing them raw before he left the exam room. When he finally stepped outside, thrilled to leave Dark Nation behind and greedily breathing in the clean air, he eyed the noxious vehicle and sighed. It was so tempting to hitch a ride and go right home, forgetting all about the dog, the car… his job… everything. He felt slightly better after chain smoking three cigarettes, trudging toward the reeking vehicle with trepidation. Next time he threw up, he had a feeling it would be his spleen.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

The plan went far easier than expected, other than having to drive a few blocks in the disgusting car, and Reno finally felt like he was nearing the light at the end of a long, rancid tunnel. After some bargaining and bribing, he'd used Rufus' credit card to pay a rather hefty fee to have the car fully cleaned and detailed. It was his damn dog, after all, and he was the dumbass who'd given Reno the card. He was shocked that it took them only about an hour and a half to complete the job, during which he went and got a large soda and a soft pretzel to help calm his stomach. When he returned, the car was sparkling clean and smelled brand new, no signs of dog shit or ass juice to be seen or smelled. They'd even managed to largely repair the chewed headrest on the driver's seat. Reno _did _break down and hug the staff this time, giggling at their shocked expressions and adding on a very generous tip. Now all he had to do was drive the dog home, and he was finished!

Things only got better when he returned to the veterinarian's office. A freshly bathed Dark Nation was waiting with the blond assistant, wearing a cloth bow tie on his collar. His leash was a bit damp but free of anything vile, and Reno happily paid for the appointment, plus extra for the grooming and a sizeable tip for the helpful assistant. As Dark Nation's friend bid him farewell and handed Reno a small bag of medication, she caught his eye and winked.

"Be sure to check the bag before giving it to Mr. Shin-ra," she said quietly, smiling and placing a hand on his upper arm. "Have a nice day… And you be good, Nation!"

Reno grinned back crookedly, wondering if he could really be that lucky without even trying. He held Dark Nation's leash tightly as he headed for the exit, carefully making his way around a woman with very long red hair and glasses who was standing at the counter purchasing medicated shampoo for her two small dogs. They were short and stocky with flat faces and giant ears, excitedly snorting as they pulled on their owner's arm so they could get a closer look at the Guard Hound. The woman nodded to him politely, and he was grateful she had the sense to pull her dogs in close to her side, using her body to protect them as Reno made his way past. The last thing he needed was for Dark Nation to maul this poor lady's cute little dogs as they left.

Reno excitedly dug through the bag as he took Dark Nation outside to the grass, careful to make sure the dog didn't get close enough to pee on him again. The creature was positively prancing, as if he felt good and thought he should be admired. As he finally hiked his leg on a tree, Reno located a folded note with feminine script tucked between the medications, removing it with rising excitement.

"_I think you're really cute. Call me some time, I'd love to get together! ~ Tara."_

"Awesome!" he exclaimed as he looked over the phone number beneath her signature, pumping a fist in the air. He was grinning from ear to ear as he loaded a much more cooperative Dark Nation into the car, blasting the radio as they pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the highway.

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Reno was at his desk the following morning, almost happy to be doing paperwork after the previous day's assignment. He had called Tara the night before, and they were meeting for dinner that very evening. Once again, he had gotten through a bad situation and come out ahead, and he had been gloating to himself all day. It was so good to be Reno.

He noticed the mail icon flashing at the corner of his screen a short time later, clicking it curiously and glad to take a break from filling out his report about Dark Nation's trip to the veterinarian. It still counted as an official assignment, and he was struggling to document it in serious terms without using the words "feces" and "anals" a thousand times.

The e-mail was from Rufus, and he lifted a surprised eyebrow as he opened it. He could not recall ever receiving a direct e-mail from the President himself before, his eyes growing wider and wider as he skimmed its contents.

No.

No way.

It couldn't be…

The fates were _not _that cruel, not even to him. Reno almost began to cry as he reached the end of the letter, letting his head fall forward to land with a thunk on his desk. He groaned miserably as the dreadful words repeated in his head, cursing himself for having done such a great job. Gods, he _knew_ it! He'd been right all along, no matter what others tried to tell him. It definitely did _not_ pay to put your best foot forward.

"Nooooo!" he exclaimed with a pained moan, winning the attention of everyone in the office. "Why! Why, why, why! Fuck _me_, I hate my life!"

"_Dear Reno,_

_Thank you so much for the exemplary job you did escorting my beloved Dark Nation to his appointment yesterday! Dr. Payne informed me that he arrived on time and in good spirits, and the staff said you were polite and charming. My dear pet smells wonderful, and the bow tie is simply adorable. The car was returned in immaculate condition, and I am pleased you decided to have it detailed for me while you were out. That was very thoughtful of you, and I would like to repay your efforts. Since Dark Nation was so happy with you, I am appointing you as his official chauffeur. Any time he needs to go somewhere, I will see to it that you are made available to take him. I would also like for you to take him to the dog park once a week, and to stay at my condo with him when I am out of town. This assignment is the envy of all your coworkers, as my pet is such a lovely creature to spend time with. But I feel that you deserve it most for going above and beyond, especially since Nation is so obviously fond of you. Congratulations, and thank you again!_

_Rufus Shin-ra_

_President and CEO, Shin-ra Incorporated."_

**~ The End ~**

* * *

((**Author's Note**: I am so sorry I left this fic without an ending for so long! Things came up, and I ended up working on Transformations any time I was inspired to write. Did anyone notice my cameo appearance with my two French Bulldogs? I could not resist. :D This was a weird one shot idea that just took off, and I had a great time with it. Thanks for coming along for the ride, and I'd appreciate it if you took the time to leave a review with what you thought. Also, would you like to see more of Dark Nation in the future? This was a lot of fun to write, so I hope it was an enjoyable and humorous read. Thanks again! _~ JenesisX_ ))


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